Monday, May 25, 2009

I want to dance.......

Another holiday weekend comes to an end. It was wonderful having company for the weekend. Great to watch my husband truly relax and catch up with an old friend. I love to entertain. Used to do a lot of it. Now, even though everyone else did all the cooking and cleaning, I find myself absolutely exhausted.

Even with all the the physical challenges MS has given me, the fatigue is the worst. I just don't have any stamina. Simply getting out of bed, showering and getting dressed pretty well uses everything I've got. I hope that improves. Mark says to be patient. I've not been out of Rehab very long and it's going to take time. Well, time I have. So I'll work on reminding myself to TRY and be patient. It's just that I WANT to badly to be independent again. To be bi&*#%ing about work and not having enough time in the day to get things done. To spend the entire day in the kitchen baking. To take the dog for a walk. Thing that I took for granted.
Today I was able to wiggle the toes on my left foot. Something I haven't been able to do since the last exacerbation. I sure didn't take that for granted. I called Mark in to watch and even shared the news with friends at the BBQ. Perhaps one of the things I'm supposed to learn through all this is NOT to take even the smallest thing for granted. Before, I would have been too busy to spend much time being thankful I could walk. Now I have the time, and the mindset, to be incredibly excited that I can wiggle my toes. I hope and pray that being able to wiggle my toes means I'll get even more function back over the next few months.
Thirteen months ago I danced with my husband at our wedding. I want to dance with him again. Even if it's in a leg brace. I want to be upright, my head on his shoulder, wrapped in his arms with "Unforgettable" playing in the background. So, tomorrow I head to therapy where I'll work my butt off. We'll start trying brace ideas to stabilize the left leg and see what they can come up with. The goal for them is to get me walking....but I want to dance.

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