Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I HATE MS
I am so NOT having a good day today. In fact, the past two days haven't been great. Neither one of my legs are following instructions, my hand are shaky and I HURT. Both legs feel heavy and like they are on fire. I'm tired of the MS induced insomnia. I have NO problem dropping off to sleep, but I'm awake every hour. Two if I'm LUCKY. I broke down yesterday and called the clinic in Texas and asked for protocols to help. I'm running the pain protocol for my hip as I type hoping it helps with all the leg pain. My body feels like it was hit by the MS truck, then it hit reverse and ran over me again. This has been coming on for the last few days. I actually had to use a wheelchair at both San Antonio and LAX airports. My legs just wouldn't work well enough to do the walking. I've come to the realization that I truly am cane dependant now. Great. Just freaking great. I feel my independence trickling away drop by drop. It's impossible NOT to be angry about that. I'll come to terms with it, like I have with all the other aspects of MS I've experienced, but right now I'm angry. I wish I'd get a break. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I've never felt the need to ask, "Why me". My philosophy is, "What is IS". However, right now...I want MS to BACK THE H*LL OFF!