Monday, August 25, 2008

Steroids Day 3

UGH. The steroid brain fog has arrived. Thick as pea soup. I'm lucky I can remember my name. Add that to the cognitive symptoms MS has given me this summer and I can't remember anything. Just enough to know it would not be safe for me to get behind the wheel of a car right now. Add the steroid shakes to hand that already don't work right and yep, I dropped one of my nice bowls tonight. Thank goodness it didn't break. So it's plastic for me again! As if that isn't enough. My IV went bad this evening. So the home health nurse has to come back in the morning to restart it for the final two infusions. Any bets on how many sticks it takes this time? No sleep and steroid moodiness does not a good combination make. Thankfully, I have the most understanding husband. Of course he struggles with the MS as well. While it's MY disease it's OUR journey. It's very hard for him to watch me struggle and not be able to make it all go away. In some respects I think it's harder on him that I'm NOT a complainer. I tend to keep everything inside. Even when he can see I'm clearly NOT feeling well and am struggling, I'll smile at him and tell him I'm fine. Which makes it more significant when I DO tell him I feel like crap and need help gettin in and out of the shower, etc. Yet, part of that is me trying to protect him as well. I know how badly he hurts watching me struggle and I try to spare him that as much as I can. Which is why I'm glad he left this afternoon on business. It was very hard for him to leave as he knows the next few days will be the toughest for me, but life goes on. Whether we want it to or not. Sometimes the only thing that keeps my world from feeling like it's spinning out of control in the midst of my journey is the normalcy of regular routine. I NEED him to keep to his routine as much as possible. Then at least one part of life remains "normal". I also have wonderful friends that always descend when he's gone on a daily, sometime twice daily basis to check on me. That make him feel much better, and me too as well.

On a really positive note the Neurontin seems to really have the muscle spasticity under control. I had a few really mild spasms today, but they didn't hurt. They were mearly annoying and I could actually walk during them. I've NEVER been able to do that before. That is a HUGE improvement! I still have the weird numb area on my right outer thigh, but at least my right heel isn't numb anymore. So, for every jump back there is an inch forward!

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