Thursday, August 28, 2008
Just returned from my morning MD appointment. I gained TWENTY FIVE pounds during this round of steroids. TWENTY FIVE FREAKING POUNDS. No wonder I can't breathe and feel like poop...heck I'll say it CRAP. I HATE MS!!!! I really try to keep my spirits up and keep a positive outlook, but right now it's very much a challenge to do so. Of course, I realize part of this is also the steroid personality "meanness" that comes with steroids so it will pass in a few days. Part of it is that I've just had a terrible summer with an exacerbation that own't quit. I miss my mobility, I miss my ability to come and go as I want, I miss my energy level and my activities. I miss my job and I most of all miss being the wife that I am to my husband when I'm NOT having an exacerbation. I miss being ME BEFORE MS. Before this stinking journey began. O.K. having had my rant now what? Now by goodness I AM going to allow myself to wallow in self pity for about an hour or so. Then, I'll regroup and carry on. Putting one foot in front of the other with determinination to do everything I can do to move forward head high. I have to admit though, sometimes I get tired of the fighing, the struggles. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to take that step. Are you listening God?