Saturday, December 06, 2008

Good day...bad day. Is there really much of a difference?

Seems that each day's mindset can turn on a dime. I spent the morning cuddled up with my new "don't mess with me blankie" and the afternoon cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, that's right Thanksgiving dinner. Since we were away for the holiday hubby decided he wanted a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner. So, I cooked. Turkey, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, stuffing and of course, the required green been casserole. Cooking actually made me feel better. (I love to cook). However, now that the cooking is over I'm back to hugging the "don't mess with me blankie" as I'm running one of my protocols. Seems that running protocols is about the only productive thing I seem to be able to do. Perhaps I'm just caught in a cycle of feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I'm just grieving over Valor. Whatever it is, it sucks. I found myself automatically putting the turkey gizzards aside for Valor's dinner. I wonder how long it takes before I stop automatically doing things for him. A month? 6 months? A year? Personally, I'll be glad when this year is over and I can look forward to happy occasions. The highs of this year have been awesome and the lows simply devastating. Right now I feel like a child tugging on Gods pants leg...asking him not to forget that I'm down here. So, good day or bad day...seems that they are all pretty much the same.

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