Decisions, Decisions

As those of you who have been following my blog know, this has been a challenging year for me with the MS. Fortunately, I seem to be over the worst of it....for now, and on the road to healing. Trying to spend more time out of the chair and using the walker, although I doubt I'll ever be chair free. As life teaches us, nothing comes without a price. Whether that price is monetary when we shell out our hard earned cash for the new TV we want or the emotional and physical price we pay when we are handed a health challenge. I've learned that the most important part isn't necessarily how we deal with the hardship, it's how we cope with the cost. I got through the worst that MS dealt me this year by faith, taking everything one step at a time and the support of my family and friends. I couldn't have done it without my faith and all their love and support. I became proactive with my health and learned about other treatments available out there. I made decisions on what to do, and what not to do. I tried not to take my frustrations out on my loved ones and fought to keep my sense of humor even when very little was funny. I wasn't always successful, but I tried. Now, for some reason I feel lost. Perhaps I'm just tired and the year just kicked my butt. Maybe it's just the holidays and the "holiday blues". Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I certainly don't have the answers. Right now I'm just trying to hold it all together. Trying to make sense of all the whys. Why MS? Why Me? Why not Me? I want my life back. I want to dance like I did in April. I want uncomplicated. Not easy, just uncomplicated. What decisions do I need to make to get there? Do I really have any control anyway? Do the decisions I make really matter in the grand scheme of things? Is all we can really expect out of life is just to do the best we can, BE the best we can and then just hope things work out for the best?