Sunday, October 26, 2008

Home Sweet Home

Arrived back home this afternoon after a quick trip. OK, it really WASN'T quick. It takes 5 hours each way. Of course this is only if you DON'T have a freaking flat tire and have to stop every 30 miles or so because you have a passenger (ME) that either has to pee or is having yet another muscle spasm in her left leg or glut (ass for those of you who never took A&P) and has to move. But I digress. Anyway we went up North to help Marks dad celebrate his 80th birthday and his eldest niece her baby shower. We had a WONDERFUL time. The shower was fun and he has a great family, so it's always nice to spend time with them. We left here Friday at noon and returned today at 2. Needless to stay it was a VERY quick trip. One that totally kicked my butt. Which in turn totally pisses me off. Just a short year ago, I would have returned home, unpacked, started the laundry, went grocery shopping, cooked dinner and STILL had energy left over. Now, I slept the last part of the drive home and still arrived exhausted. Some company I am for the drive. Then, poor Mark has to push my chair in because I don't have the energy to roll myself in. I then plop myself in a recliner, guilt ridden while he unloads the car and goes to the store. Someone asked me this weekend how I "feel". Not counting the pain, I honestly "feel" great. It's the fatigue that just kicks my behind. Pain, while frustrating and let's face it, painful, is manageable. You take a pill, rub the muscles, cry and pray A LOT. However, you get through it. The fatigue, I just can't get a handle on. I was reading another blog today of someone who is also fighting fatigue and feels like she's "married" to her couch. Boy, can I relate. For me, it's not a couch, it's a recliner. I am horrified by how little activity it takes to put me in the recliner. Of course, It's also safer for me to be there. My left knee looks like it belongs to an 8 year old boy from all the falling I've done lately. Which also pisses me off. MY MS generally chooses to mess with me by taking away my energy, messing with my balance and making my fine motor skills "not so fine". Yet, it leaves me FEELING "normal". I feel like I should be able to do everything I did before. Yet, inevitably when I try I either end up on the floor face down or in the recliner butt down because my day's allotted energy allowance was drained just getting out of bed and dressed in the morning. Of course, trying to find the humor in the situation is just what I try to I'm searching.....digging REALLY deep. Nope, not a chuckle to be found let alone a really belly busting guffaw. So, I think for this evening I'll just let myself be pissed off. Yep....feels about right!

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