Anger vs. Blessings Vs. Plain 'ol reality and Insurance Companies

Just 6 short months ago I was on my honeymoon in Maui. Walking, whale watching, snorkeling. Now, I sit in a wheelchair and by 6 p.m. don't even have the energy to push it along. What a difference 6 months makes. Who knows where I'll be 6 months from now. Hopefully, walking. Even if it means a walker full time, it's an improvement. Of course, life holds no guarantees. As a Christian I believe the Lord wants the best for me. I also believe that he allows things to happen, beyond our understanding in this world for specific reasons. Look at Job. I pray daily not to have the patience of Job, but the FAITH. I have to say, I've been more angry at God lately than not. Everything that has happened over the last 5 months has been completely beyond my ability to understand. So, instead of even trying to understand I REALLY DO try to focus on the blessings I have in my life. Not always easy, especially when your angry at the very Being who is giving you the blessings. Kind of a catch 22. I know I have to work past the anger to really appreciate the Blessings, but it's hard. How do you work through the anger and frustration of such a rapid change? I went from intermittently using the cane to chair in 5 months. Am I supposed to be over being angry in a week? A month? Six months? Then throw in fighting with insurance companies. I would LOVE to watch the UM folks that make the decisions struggle in a 35 pound "LIGHTWEIGHT" wheelchair at the end of the day up and down my ramps and over the carpet through the house. Idiots. We submitted a request to the insurance company for a rigid wheelchair yesterday. Anyone want to venture an opinion on whether they deny giving me a 17 pound chair vs. the monstrosity I'm in now? I know, I know, I should consider myself lucky they covered the 35 pound beast, but seriously. Why is is so hard for those with disabilities to get what we need? Isn't it tough enough to struggle with a disability without having to take on the bureaucratic BS of an insurance company. A company I may add that has never hesitated to accept the almost 1000 a month premium they receive from me and my employeer?? Let's not even venture into getting Social Security benefits. I have read such horror stories on the blogs of other Msers. We're talking about adults who have paid into the system for YEARS and now actually have to hire attorneys to receive benefits. It's criminal. The reality is that the system is NOT set up to help. Not when someone who becomes disabled has to go through two YEARS of bureaucratic hoops, (Hoops is NOT the word I wanted to use), in order to get benefits. Then there are those, like me, with "private insurance". Everyone thinks those with "private insurance" have it made. Guess again. Think about it. The insurance companies are in it to MAKE money. They are not charitable foundations. So, they deny as much as they can. They don't care if a person who can't walk has a wheelchair. If they can save the cost of the wheelchair by denying it for any reason at all they will. There is a woman in my MS support group with PRIVATE INSURANCE who had to wait for her income tax refund check to pay for her own wheelchair because her insurance denied it. Those who think a "universal health plan" is a good ideas...HAH. It will be run with the same mindset. SAVE MONEY. Deny, deny, deny. Boy, it's enough to make anyone angry.