Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Blah, Blah, Blah

Do you ever just get sick of it all? Sick of the shots, the pills, the muscle spasms, the depressive episodes, losing your balance, falling, the MS "hug", the insomnia, I could go on and on listing what we experience with MS.

Today is my "Sick of it all Day". Today I'm basking,....make that rolling in frustration. What started it? It started yesterday when the ramp for the van fell through. (Because I don't have the 15,000 they want. Yep you read it right, 15,000). That ramp meant independence for me. I was so excited. Then, like a kid putting his coat on, getting ready to get in the car to go to Disneyland he's told they aren't going, I was crushed. I cried. However, unlike a child I didn't have a temper tantrum, go to my room and slam the door. Perhaps if I did I would feel better today.

Don't get me wrong. I am exceedingly aware of the blessings I have. It's just that a prison is a prison, even if it's a beautiful one. MS sentenced me to life without the possibility of parole and I don't even know what crime I committed. I'm only allowed out when accompanied by someone because I can't put the manual chair in the van by myself. In other words, I can't go ANYWHERE alone. It's been this way for over a year now. JUST a year. When you look at the big picture I have many years left to go, God willing. Many years left to go of no independence and being DEPENDANT on others. Perfect.

Of course, folks try to cheer you up. "It could be worse they say". What my response is right now..blah, blah blah. Maybe like the kid who got Disneyland pulled out from beneath him, I'll just go slam a door now. Wait....how do you slam a door in a wheelchair?


JC said...

I hear ya ...

Webster said...

As Gilda Radner used to say, "It's always something..."