Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Can I get off now?

I often visualize MS as a Carousel. Not one of those brightly colored kiddie-go-rounds but a dark menacing one. One that you would see in your nightmares. The horses are all grey and dark, their mouths open in a mancing manor.  The riders are all stapped on. Unable to free themselves and get off the ride that spins out of control. Pretty dark huh? Well, so is MS at times. (However, believe it or not my mood is actuallly pretty good today. Reflective, but good).

Often the frustrations I feel related to MS are self induced. Mostly from trying to figure out how to second guess and "beat" MS. I so hate having a new numbness or other symptom pop up and wonder if this is the beginning of yet another exacerbation. Oh, to have a life where you didn't need to be focused on every wierd thing your body does and to be able to simple blame "old age" for everything that ailes you.

I'd like to remember what its like just to have ONE day when everyone in my life isn't worried about how I'm feeling or doing. When I wasn't worrried about how I'll be doing tomorrow. So, today I find myself asking the question. Can I get off the carousel just one time, for one day?

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