Christmas Season arrived at my house

The Christmas season has arrived at our house. We put our tree up and decorated it with ribbon, bows, sparkly ornaments and of course lights are on the tree as well. The angel at the top (I've had her for years) is too tall, so she will be replaced this year with something else. I started a village collection a few years ago and have added each year. This time I found a piece that is gorgeous. (BIG though). It's a house on a hill with a train that goes through a tunnel in the hill and a river that flows down the hill and around the front. It all lights up, including the river. There is also a snow man, bridge and a few people on it. (Told you it was big). I picked it because of the moving train. My husband LOVES trains and I knew he would like this piece. (He does). We ended the night drinking brandy in Egg Nog (YUM). Made me miss my dad though :( Dad and I had a tradition of drinking Egg Nog together. That's the hard part of family being so far away. Maybe next year we'll be able to enjoy it together. Next weekend we'll start decorating the outside of the house. No snow here yet. It won't really feel like Christmas until it does. So, I have my fingers crossed. Most of my shopping is done. Surprisingly none of my shopping so far has been done on line. Much to Marks dismay as he has to go everywhere with me. Kinda hard to shop alone in the chair. I only have two more people to shop for then I'm done. Next is shipping!

Decisions, Decisions

As those of you who have been following my blog know, this has been a challenging year for me with the MS. Fortunately, I seem to be over the worst of it....for now, and on the road to healing. Trying to spend more time out of the chair and using the walker, although I doubt I'll ever be chair free. As life teaches us, nothing comes without a price. Whether that price is monetary when we shell out our hard earned cash for the new TV we want or the emotional and physical price we pay when we are handed a health challenge. I've learned that the most important part isn't necessarily how we deal with the hardship, it's how we cope with the cost. I got through the worst that MS dealt me this year by faith, taking everything one step at a time and the support of my family and friends. I couldn't have done it without my faith and all their love and support. I became proactive with my health and learned about other treatments available out there. I made decisions on what to do, and what not to do. I tried not to take my frustrations out on my loved ones and fought to keep my sense of humor even when very little was funny. I wasn't always successful, but I tried. Now, for some reason I feel lost. Perhaps I'm just tired and the year just kicked my butt. Maybe it's just the holidays and the "holiday blues". Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I certainly don't have the answers. Right now I'm just trying to hold it all together. Trying to make sense of all the whys. Why MS? Why Me? Why not Me? I want my life back. I want to dance like I did in April. I want uncomplicated. Not easy, just uncomplicated. What decisions do I need to make to get there? Do I really have any control anyway? Do the decisions I make really matter in the grand scheme of things? Is all we can really expect out of life is just to do the best we can, BE the best we can and then just hope things work out for the best?

Good day...bad day. Is there really much of a difference?

Seems that each day's mindset can turn on a dime. I spent the morning cuddled up with my new "don't mess with me blankie" and the afternoon cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Yes, that's right Thanksgiving dinner. Since we were away for the holiday hubby decided he wanted a "traditional" Thanksgiving dinner. So, I cooked. Turkey, mashed potatoes and homemade gravy, stuffing and of course, the required green been casserole. Cooking actually made me feel better. (I love to cook). However, now that the cooking is over I'm back to hugging the "don't mess with me blankie" as I'm running one of my protocols. Seems that running protocols is about the only productive thing I seem to be able to do. Perhaps I'm just caught in a cycle of feeling sorry for myself. Perhaps I'm just grieving over Valor. Whatever it is, it sucks. I found myself automatically putting the turkey gizzards aside for Valor's dinner. I wonder how long it takes before I stop automatically doing things for him. A month? 6 months? A year? Personally, I'll be glad when this year is over and I can look forward to happy occasions. The highs of this year have been awesome and the lows simply devastating. Right now I feel like a child tugging on Gods pants leg...asking him not to forget that I'm down here. So, good day or bad day...seems that they are all pretty much the same.

One of "THOSE" Days.

Did you ever have one of those days where you just need comfort? You don't know why or even what kind of comfort you need. You just know you need it? That's the kind of day I'm having. I'm simply out of sorts. My hip hurts, but otherwise I feel fine. I'm simply out of sorts. Part of it may be that last night was shot night which always leads to a "not so great" day. So, I think I'm just going to curl up with my new Nap blanket (thanks Mom), Maggie and my Kindle, run my protocols every three hours and have a down day.

Baby steps

It's been a good day today. My energy level in the morning was great. Of course, it faded rapidly in the afternoon. I used my walker the majority of the day in an attempt to stay out of the chair. I'm still wobbly and need the chair for anything that requires distances longer than my hallway, but it's a start. So, I took it easy this afternoon. Caught up on some of my Tivo (I love Greys Anatomy) and just vegged out after the afternoon bible study group. (I host at my house once a week). It's shot night tonight, (UGH). Thankfully the protocols have been pretty helpful with some of the side effects. If I run the protocols first thing in the morning the body aches are much easier to tolerate and not as severe. I am so envious of the folks that don't have any side effects with their Rebif injections. I usually feel like I've been run over by a semi, twice, the next day. Not pleasant. Until this summer I often wondered if the cure was worse than the disease. Now, I'd be afraid NOT to take the Rebif, no matter how challenging the side effects are. I'm running my MS protocol now, cuddled up with my cat Maggie in bed. At the end of this protocol, I'll run my sleep protocol and hopefully get a good nights sleep. My hip pain and insomnia are the two things I continue to really battle with. They are both a little better, but have a long way to go. However, I am thrilled to be able to use the walker again, even if it is just for short distances. A little progress is better than none at all! Like Dr. Rhodes said, "Baby steps".

Catching up

I have so much catching up to do as it's been a few days since I blogged. Actually, things are going pretty darn well. I'm almost afraid to type that. Seems that every time things seems to be going well and I acknowledge that, something happens. However, right now I choose to revel in the fact that my MS seems to be in remission and I'm seeing improvement in my functioning. I attribute my improvement to the treatments I take with the STS RX machine. Of course, I am diligent in running my protocols. In fact, I'm hooked up now as I type. I have noticed two significant changes since my return from Texas. 1. My morning energy level is wonderful. I wake on my own by 6:30 (which is amazing since I have NEVER been a morning person) and I have tons of energy. EVERY morning. My high energy level lasts until early afternoon, then it starts petering out. 2. I've noticed an improvement in my balance. Enough of an improvement that I'm giving serious thought to getting out of the chair and using the walker. Dr. Rhodes said it would be a gradual process, baby steps. He was right. At times, I wondered if the treatments were going to help with anything besides pain. The results I'm seeing motivates me to keep going forward. The hardest part of the treatments is staying still. Being hooked up to the electrodes is, for obvious reasons, confining. If there is nothing on TV and I don't feel like reading it can be tedious. Compared to the side effects of Rebif , boredom as a side effect is a piece of cake!!! The only challenge I've had lately is a return of the muscle spasticity. OUCH. It hasn't been too bad, but bad enough to remind me how bad it HAS been in the past. I've been pretty successful at managing my stress level as well. Which, as anyone with MS knows, is vital. If it's not my problem, I don't take it on. It's that simple. Life provides us each with enough of our own problems and stressors without taking on someone else's. I think that's a skill we could all stand to learn. So, basically, so far so good. I'm thrilled with the progress I'm making and hope it continues.