Last night I had a first time experience. Kind of. It wasn't the first time I had cooked. However, it WAS the first time I had cooked a meal from the chair. I chose Beef Stroganoff. I mean why pick something simple right? I just had my husband stand by just in case I needed help (which I did with draining the pasta).
I am pleased to report that everything went well. The meal according to my husband, was wonderful (I know he misses my cooking). No disaster occurred. It WAS a bit challenging to see inside the pot boiling the pasta, so I had to have help with that.
Beyond how the meal tasted, being able to prepare the meal boosted my self confidence and self esteem better than anything else has in awhile. Cooking, such as simple thing that I love and took for granted I'd always be able to do. I showed myself (and my husband) I CAN still cook, but for now won't attempt the task without either him or someone else here. (So it's microwave food for awhile).
I have to admit to being so pleased with myself. It totally wiped me out, but it was so worth it!
Tomorrow is PT (UGH) and an appointment with my physiatrist. I know we're going to be talking about electric wheelchairs. I'm hoping he'll take me off of some of the medication I'm on. We'll see.
So everyone have a great evening!
Blog at you all tomorrow!
Monday, June 08, 2009
Saturday, June 06, 2009
A special Gift
What absolutely unbelievable weather we are having here. The high was only in the mid 50's, gray, overcast, windy and just plain miserable. I think someone forgot to tell mother nature that it's JUNE.
I had the most beautiful surprise today. I received a package in the mail from my sister in Missouri. It was my birthday gift. There were an assortment of books, that I plan to hit as soon as the opthomologist fixes my eyes next week, and a quilt.
This was no ordinary quilt. This quilt was hand made and part of the front of the quilt was a beautiful print fabric that has the "Footprints" poem on it across a large beach scene. Scattered across the front of the quit are dozens of thick pieces of thread. Each pair of thread is knotted. Some have more than one knot. The pair of thread are about 4-6 inches long.
In the bottom of the box there was a piece of paper that explained the quilt. The quilt was made for me by the ladies of The Prayers and Squares: The Prayer Quilt Ministry of the First Christian Church in Kimberling City Missouri.
Each quit apparently is made per a special request for someone and my sister, Jennifer, requested they made one for me. As each knot is tied, a silent prayer is said for someone in special need, who then receives the finished quilt. My sister told them about me, My MS and my situation. Per this paper she asked them to pray that I have:
Patience with myself
Be free from pain and discomfort
Healing.
This paper further explains that as a friend, relative, Doctor, nurse or visitor wishes to pray for me he or she may tie another knot over one already made, giving me a more visible sign of God's Love and Comfort.
The letter says more, but I'll stop there. I have to say I don't think I have ever received a birthday gift that has meant more to me than this one. It brought me to tears as I read the letter and I cried again as I called to thank my sister. I told her it's rare one thanks someone for MAKING them cry and we laughed together. I am truly Blessed.
I had the most beautiful surprise today. I received a package in the mail from my sister in Missouri. It was my birthday gift. There were an assortment of books, that I plan to hit as soon as the opthomologist fixes my eyes next week, and a quilt.
This was no ordinary quilt. This quilt was hand made and part of the front of the quilt was a beautiful print fabric that has the "Footprints" poem on it across a large beach scene. Scattered across the front of the quit are dozens of thick pieces of thread. Each pair of thread is knotted. Some have more than one knot. The pair of thread are about 4-6 inches long.
In the bottom of the box there was a piece of paper that explained the quilt. The quilt was made for me by the ladies of The Prayers and Squares: The Prayer Quilt Ministry of the First Christian Church in Kimberling City Missouri.
Each quit apparently is made per a special request for someone and my sister, Jennifer, requested they made one for me. As each knot is tied, a silent prayer is said for someone in special need, who then receives the finished quilt. My sister told them about me, My MS and my situation. Per this paper she asked them to pray that I have:
Patience with myself
Be free from pain and discomfort
Healing.
This paper further explains that as a friend, relative, Doctor, nurse or visitor wishes to pray for me he or she may tie another knot over one already made, giving me a more visible sign of God's Love and Comfort.
The letter says more, but I'll stop there. I have to say I don't think I have ever received a birthday gift that has meant more to me than this one. It brought me to tears as I read the letter and I cried again as I called to thank my sister. I told her it's rare one thanks someone for MAKING them cry and we laughed together. I am truly Blessed.
Friday, June 05, 2009
It was a GOOD year
Today was a pretty busy day. Appointments in Bakersfield took up the entire day. At one point while I was sitting in yet another waiting room (what IS it about MD's not having any decent magazines in their waiting rooms? Is that part of the oath they take??), I started thinking. (which usually leads to a blog idea). Today just happened to be my 47th birthday. Surprisingly I had no fleeting feelings of being "old" and no fears of getting older. MS showed me what real fear is, and it has nothing to do with getting older.
So, as I sat there in the waiting room I started thinking about everything that has happened over the last year. WHAT A YEAR! In spite if it all, I have to say it WAS a good year. True MS kicked my ass. BIG TIME. However, it was the unending support of my husband, family, friends and fellow bloggers that helped me get back up every single time that MS whomped on me. I may have been battered and bloody, but it was everyone's support that got me back on my feet. (Even if it meant those feet landed on the foot rest of a wheelchair and getting up was the LAST thing I wanted to do). With love and support like that....the year couldn't have been anything but good.
So, as I sat there in the waiting room I started thinking about everything that has happened over the last year. WHAT A YEAR! In spite if it all, I have to say it WAS a good year. True MS kicked my ass. BIG TIME. However, it was the unending support of my husband, family, friends and fellow bloggers that helped me get back up every single time that MS whomped on me. I may have been battered and bloody, but it was everyone's support that got me back on my feet. (Even if it meant those feet landed on the foot rest of a wheelchair and getting up was the LAST thing I wanted to do). With love and support like that....the year couldn't have been anything but good.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Attitudes, Faith and Unnecessary Roughness
******I discuss God and faith in this blog. If you are offended by those topics don't read this post.******
I haven't posted in a few days for a few reasons (isn't that witty). First, my vision (near) sucks. My far vision is fine. Anything further away than about a 10 inches....clear as a bell with my glasses. Anything closer is so blurry it literally makes my eyes cross. Not a good thing. Crossed eyes cause nausea. Yuck. Needless to say typing is a challenge, hence one reason for the lapse in the blog. Thank goodness I see my opthomologist next week.
The second. My attitude. It too sucks. I learned years ago it's always better to be silent when your attitude sucks. Otherwise 1. You'll say something that will get yourself in trouble or 2. You'll say something that will offend/hurt someone. Then you have to grovel for forgiveness. With my current attitude, groveling isn't likely to occur anytime soon.
Why does my attitude suck? Because right now life does. It's been beating the hell out of me since last June and I'm battered and bloody. Like a boxer on the ropes trying to hang on but feeling his grips slipping. Unlike a boxer who at least is fighting someone in his weight class, MS clearly isn't in mine.
I have fought MS so hard this past year. I've done everything I was supposed to do, yet nothing made a difference. Not only have I fought MS, but I've fought deafness as well. A double whammy. Either of them individually would be a heck of a challenge. Together they are like Godzilla and I'm running, trying to stay one step ahead of them squishing me.
My husband is so incredibly supportive. Yet, even he can only support so long until his own well runs dry. Right now I think he could use a vacation from ME and all the challenges that come with me. Yet, he would be so offended if I even suggested it. So, I don't.
I have always been a woman of strong faith. I've always looked for the blessing in everything and focused on that when times are tough. My favorite chapter of the bible is Job. An unusual choice I know. Everyone says we should all have the "patience" of Job. Job wasn't patient, he was FAITHFUL. No matter what happened he never lost his faith. I've always strived to be that faithful. That no matter what life brought I always knew the one thing that I could cling to was my faith. That God was always there.
Now, I find myself tired, beat up and while still faithful I find myself asking the question, "When is enough....enough". When will I get a break? I haven't even had enough time between exacerbation's over the last year to process everything that's gone on. Going from dancing at your wedding to being wheelchair dependent in ONE year is a bit of a challenge I'd say. I'd think anyone would need a time out to process and adjust. MS hasn't allowed me that time.
I wish it was as simple as a referee throwing the yellow flag, calling a penalty against MS for unnecessary roughness and me calling for a time out with MS having no choice but to comply. (Does it show I'm a football fan)? Unfortunately, that's not going to happen.
I KNOW I am blessed in so many ways. I have a husband who is supportive, loving and absolutely steadfast. I have family and friends who's support is unending. I KNOW God is with me. So many people going through the exact same challenge don't have half of the support I do. Some don't have any at all. Some don't even have FAITH. As hard as I'm struggling on an emotional level right now, I couldn't imagine even trying to fight my deafness and MS without Faith. No way. But, when is enough .....enough?
I haven't posted in a few days for a few reasons (isn't that witty). First, my vision (near) sucks. My far vision is fine. Anything further away than about a 10 inches....clear as a bell with my glasses. Anything closer is so blurry it literally makes my eyes cross. Not a good thing. Crossed eyes cause nausea. Yuck. Needless to say typing is a challenge, hence one reason for the lapse in the blog. Thank goodness I see my opthomologist next week.
The second. My attitude. It too sucks. I learned years ago it's always better to be silent when your attitude sucks. Otherwise 1. You'll say something that will get yourself in trouble or 2. You'll say something that will offend/hurt someone. Then you have to grovel for forgiveness. With my current attitude, groveling isn't likely to occur anytime soon.
Why does my attitude suck? Because right now life does. It's been beating the hell out of me since last June and I'm battered and bloody. Like a boxer on the ropes trying to hang on but feeling his grips slipping. Unlike a boxer who at least is fighting someone in his weight class, MS clearly isn't in mine.
I have fought MS so hard this past year. I've done everything I was supposed to do, yet nothing made a difference. Not only have I fought MS, but I've fought deafness as well. A double whammy. Either of them individually would be a heck of a challenge. Together they are like Godzilla and I'm running, trying to stay one step ahead of them squishing me.
My husband is so incredibly supportive. Yet, even he can only support so long until his own well runs dry. Right now I think he could use a vacation from ME and all the challenges that come with me. Yet, he would be so offended if I even suggested it. So, I don't.
I have always been a woman of strong faith. I've always looked for the blessing in everything and focused on that when times are tough. My favorite chapter of the bible is Job. An unusual choice I know. Everyone says we should all have the "patience" of Job. Job wasn't patient, he was FAITHFUL. No matter what happened he never lost his faith. I've always strived to be that faithful. That no matter what life brought I always knew the one thing that I could cling to was my faith. That God was always there.
Now, I find myself tired, beat up and while still faithful I find myself asking the question, "When is enough....enough". When will I get a break? I haven't even had enough time between exacerbation's over the last year to process everything that's gone on. Going from dancing at your wedding to being wheelchair dependent in ONE year is a bit of a challenge I'd say. I'd think anyone would need a time out to process and adjust. MS hasn't allowed me that time.
I wish it was as simple as a referee throwing the yellow flag, calling a penalty against MS for unnecessary roughness and me calling for a time out with MS having no choice but to comply. (Does it show I'm a football fan)? Unfortunately, that's not going to happen.
I KNOW I am blessed in so many ways. I have a husband who is supportive, loving and absolutely steadfast. I have family and friends who's support is unending. I KNOW God is with me. So many people going through the exact same challenge don't have half of the support I do. Some don't have any at all. Some don't even have FAITH. As hard as I'm struggling on an emotional level right now, I couldn't imagine even trying to fight my deafness and MS without Faith. No way. But, when is enough .....enough?
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Formatting my bloody blog......
If this is totally messed up it's Webster's fault...:0)~ If it works... It was Webster's pure genius that get's all the credit. As you all know I've been having a real tough time with formatting paragraphs in my posts.
As I tend to ramble on, especially when I get on my soap box or the blog takes on a life of it's own, it makes it hard for some of you to follow. Heck, it's hard for ME to follow! So, I received an email from Webster talking me through a step to try, so here goes. Short, sweet and to the point.
Hopefully it will work. With spell check complete and my fingers crossed I will press post and hope I see paragraphs!
As I tend to ramble on, especially when I get on my soap box or the blog takes on a life of it's own, it makes it hard for some of you to follow. Heck, it's hard for ME to follow! So, I received an email from Webster talking me through a step to try, so here goes. Short, sweet and to the point.
Hopefully it will work. With spell check complete and my fingers crossed I will press post and hope I see paragraphs!
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
ZZZZZZZZ.......
No one ever said that life was fair. I've never been the type of person to say "Why me", I'm the one that say "Why NOT me"? I try not to take all my frustration out on my husband. None of this is his fault and he has been nothing short of supportive and amazing, especially considering everything MS has done to me over the last year. I've had more doses of steroids than a locker room full of professional baseball players and take more pills on a daily basis than a Hollywood star addicted to Vicodin. I no longer walk, but roll around the house usually with Maggie (our cat) sitting royally on my lap as if I am her own personal taxi service. Ever since I came home from Rehab, Maggie simply will not let me out of her site. I think she's afraid I'm going to leave again. I think the dog could care less if I'm around. She's loyal to whoever feeds and walks her, which is Mark when he's home. I got a break from rehab this week and the break has been a welcome one. I can't believe the fatigue I'm fighting. Fatigue has always been one of my MS issues,, but not like this. I can, ad have, fallen asleep when I sit it a chair to watch TV. (Or blog for that matter). So, this degree of fatigue is new as is the complete disappearance of my stamina. The act of getting out of bed and getting dressed takes every bit of stamina I have. Heck, after that I'm ready for bed again! So, in an effort to manage both I'm going to sleep later and turn in earlier. See if that helps with either. As I find myself now fighting to stay awake as I type, I think it's time to just give in and turn in for the night. ZZZZZZZZ
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