Meanwhile our insurance copayments for our drugs doubled. When your on 7 different pills each day PLUS your injection it's expensive. I've tried to wean myself off some of the drugs, but I can't handle the symptoms they help mask. So now my co-pays are almost 250 a month just for the pills add another 30 for the injections and we're pretty close to 300 a month. I know, some pay more than that...but as this is all about me today....only what I pay matters. (See I'm ranting).
Then I wonder why I take all the medication, it's not going to make the MS go away or improve my balance. I took a facer today in fact. Landed literally face first. I'm lucky I didn't break my glasses or my nose but it looks like my chin is going to have a rug burn on it. Tomorrow I may find the humor in that.....but not today.
I want my life back. I want the Kimberly I was 2 years ago back. (Well maybe not all of her, just the good parts). I want my independence back. I want to hold a garage sale and sell off all of my DME...scooter, electric chair and two wheelchairs. Not to mention the shower chair. I don't want to have to use these things until I'm in my 90's. I want, I want, I want. I sound like a 9 year old don't I?
I just want ME back. Sometimes I think I'm forgetting who I am because it's always about the MS. Every activity, every action is dependant upon the MS and how I feel becasue of it on any given day. So, today I feel frustrated. I want to go romp in the snow with my dog and husband , but, I can't. Why? Because the MS has made my balance very iffy today, so even with a cane I'd fall. I just can't imagine myself to playing in the snow in the chair, What the point of that?
So, I'll sign off now and have my pity party. I will only allow it to last this afternoon becasue I refuse to let MS beat me and crawling into be with my covers over my head works for one afternoon, after that, it's just giving up.